you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
