At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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