you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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