is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
