Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
