ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
