If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
