Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
