did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
