We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
nutella sex= disaster
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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