he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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