It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
