He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
