omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
