3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
