Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
