Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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