so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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