Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
