You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
