she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
