Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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