Your dad touched me again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
