we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
