i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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