matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
