Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
