My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
