Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
