dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
how drunk are you?
Several
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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