Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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