i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
