Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
