She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
