I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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