so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
