"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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