I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
