So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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