just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
