He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
