I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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