respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
