Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
