were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god it's open bar.
is it fun? or sober?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
