You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
