Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
