Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a search helicopter?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
