woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
