Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
