I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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