hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
did i just pee glitter
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