Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
